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Each of you must be willing to: (1) listen with an open mind to what your partner has to say, without judging, interrupting or criticizing; (2) clearly state your needs, interests and feelings in a respectful and non-aggressive manner; (3) provide any information, including financial, that is requested and appropriate to complete the divorce process; and (4) be willing to compromise in order to reach a mutually-acceptable agreement. While this may sound difficult to do, mediation focuses on solutions rather than on problems, on compromise rather than on conquest.

If your mediator is also an attorney, you do not need your own separate attorney. Having separate attorneys not only greatly increases the costs and complexity of the mediation process, but it also creates an adversarial atmosphere that undermines the cooperative and respectful nature of mediation. That said, if you wish to have an attorney review the agreement prior to your signing it, you are free to do so if that gives you additional peace of mind.

A fundamental rule of mediation is that you and your spouse control the process. Therefore, including another party (other than the mediator) upsets the balance between the two of you, and creates an antagonistic atmosphere. Even if the other party sits in the waiting room while the two of you are in session, their mere presence in the background can be very disruptive. If you would like additional support and encouragement, look to others either before or after the mediation sessions, but not during them. Just carefully consider advice from highly biased or bitter individuals. There is no need for third parties, because the mediation process itself will provide you with a safe setting in which you will be on equal footing with your spouse.

Either party is free to terminate mediation at any time; therefore, mediation is not binding until both parties have signed the formal settlement agreement and it has been accepted by the court. Thereafter, the mediated agreement becomes a court order, and can be legally enforced by either party.

Whether you mediate or litigate, the law imposes a waiting period of approximately 102 days from the time the initial paperwork is filed with the court until you can be granted your divorce. Because mediation is a cooperative problem-solving process, most couples are able to complete the mediation process by the end of this waiting period. Furthermore, recent legislation now permits divorcing couples to waive the waiting period and have their divorce granted as soon as the couple has reached a final agreement. Because mediation focuses on solutions rather than problems, many couples are able to take advantage of this expedited process. However, in the unlikely event that you need additional time to complete the mediation process, the court will usually grant and extension beyond the 102 day waiting period.