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👉 This hits hard! Even the choices that appear to be made on a conscious level are always being heavily influenced by our past experiences. This is because the brain not only uses the information from your senses and body to make sense of each situation. It also matches up those sensations to similar experiences in the past. So if, in the past, access to love and belonging came with unreliability and occasional hostility, then no alarm bells would ring. According to past experience, this might be as good as it gets. So, to anyone out there blaming themselves for choosing a relationship that, with hindsight, had lots of early red flags, self-blame is futile and only hurts you. Instead, take this as a learning experience, albeit a very painful one. Turn toward it with curiosity and look for those parallels with your early life that may have made you vulnerable to this. Then use that learning to make careful, well-informed choices as you move forward in your life. Getting support to help break the cycle is a great option if you can access either professional help or help from trusted friends.